"Confidence is about letting go of the need for perfection while being okay with letting failures teach you to be better/do better. It's the small wins that add up while leaving the door open for the possibility that small wins can and will eventually grow into bigger ones with proper nurturing."
Rick J Reyna Jr
Note: I am not a licensed psychologist giving you professional advice. The information provided is opinionated and it is your choice to listen or take the advice offered. Thank you!
For you to walk away from this blog with a boost for your confidence.
To provide you with a few examples that may ring in your mind one day when you need a bit of confidence.
& To share my opinions and knowledge about how I've had to build Self-Confidence on multiple occasions.
Long story short, I was conned when I was about 21 years old. I was known locally as a "local talent/Music Artist" and starting to catch ears as I kept progressing and launching more music. Twitter was the hottest way to get hooked up with A&R's to help artists get connected with the right people, or so I'd heard for some time back then. One day a person contacted me through twitter stating that I had potential and he represented an artist I'd heard of and that I could hop on the upcoming tour for a fair price that was dirt cheap.
(As a young artist, I was intrigued and starry eyed because I finally came across someone willing to give me a shot at what I was working toward back then. It wasn't something abnormal for talent like me to go on tour and open up for artists, so I was excited.)
I headed over to Facebook and gave a hint about what I was being told from the person on twitter and quickly started thinking of ways to make some money. I'd decided, let's host a car wash! Contacted some friends, told them about the opportunity and instantly they supported. The day came for us to host the car wash and cars were coming in for a wash left and right, it was unbelievable. The comments we were getting were inspiring and I kept telling myself inside, this is it, this is my chance to represent the city I'm living in and my chance to go on and make this thing a career writing music.
The car wash was a major success, and we raised enough money to pay for my spot on the roster and to have enough money for my hotel and food for the first stop. It came to the day where I had to send the money to the person and I have to admit, I was nervous because the day before departure a couple friends went to talk with me about how the dates on the roster weren't lining up and....
I was just too bought into the fact that I thought they were just trying to stop me from "getting out of the hood."
I sent the money, and never heard from the person again. The persons google page was gone, Twitter account was deleted, the phone number I had to contact the person was erased and no longer existed and I was left with nothing but deflated confidence and tears because I realized how bad I felt to have hosted a car wash and to have sent all that money to someone I believed was real and come to find out, I was the one who misjudged the whole situation.
I went on social media and apologized to everyone that donated and owned up to my mistake. The part that made it harder on me was that people reacted opposite than what I imagined. I thought they'd be furious and other things with me and instead it was the opposite.
I struggled to forgive myself for many years and still carried that burden with me as I continued to write music but moving forward, my failure to properly judge the situation influenced me to improve that skill.
I learned NEVER to pay for things in advance unless you can read some reviews, track the record of sales, and find some type of backend information on who is discussing what with you and how not to always make tough decisions on the spot. If you have time to think about things, do it.
After that incident I started to make different kinds of music and probably wrote some of my best music from the pain and embarrassment while I knew I had to learn how to earn trust again. Why I say small wins is because back then I thought of each song like a puzzle piece, and I was just piecing the puzzle together or "the vision" as I slowly got more comfortable building the confidence to get on stage in front of anyone.
Fast forward to when I was about 23 years old, and all those small wins amounted to a song called "City Love" which sparked the start of and the idea for a youth basketball tournament that would go on for 4 almost 5 years; named after the song "City Love." Multiple big wins would come forth for myself and a few fellow music artists where we ended up starting a music group and got to do some major shows out of town and locally and that time of life was all around a blessing/amazing.
Music like this:
To this day multiple occurrences have happened that helped positively change me a little at a time. It's a wonderful thing to "set the bar high for yourself." Although I've learned that always expecting absolute perfection from myself is like saying I'm not human. It's a bigger blow to yourself when you make a mistake and expect so much from yourself that YOU end up internally beating yourself up over the slightest slips, whilst never enjoying the beauty to make mistakes and use them to build yourself up slowly.
Learn how to make the mistakes behind closed doors (also think of closed doors like within your mind) and you'll improve your gametime on the field (not behind closed doors/in public) when the eyes are watching.
When you can work just as hard or twice as hard when nobodies looking, imagine what you can do when it actually comes down to performing for real? Nobody can read your mind accept maybe God, even then it's not like he's going to be chiming in every second of every hour just to make sure you're on "thought track for greatness."
Using each day like a building block for confidence building has helped me stretch the load out on what I expect of myself, rather than always wishing there was more time in the day to get all the things done I wish I could.
I went on to write a book and self-publish it but didn't sell as many copies as I wished I could have, started a business that failed, sort of, restarting a new online business, and I've just about tried many different jobs I maybe two sets of hands to count and I'm in my 30's wondering why I haven't found that one thing that I want to dedicate a whole 30 years of MY LIFE to.
Link to my book:
If age was a problem, Warren Buffet would be way behind schedule.
Look back at what you have set your mind to accomplish and applaud yourself for each thing completed
Build a map of those accomplishments/Find your matrix
Keep track of the things that actually matter and that you can fix
Learn to appreciate who you are right now
Find out what it truly means to be in competition with who you were yesterday as opposed to today